The act of carrying...
The act of carrying...
Pushing myself forward + holding myself back
Hi, you out there, or hello to me in the future. A week of advocation, affirmation, and awareness. Think of yourself now and how far you’ve come.
Studio work:
I left last week asking you a question and claiming I had my answer to it. I think it has shifted already. I believe I can relive someone else’s memory through the way they have given me access to it. If I have context for the memory/setting/people within that memory, then I too can experience it. That moment now becomes mine since I am the filter in which it becomes a shared reality.
Why is this important? Well, the painting I showed in progress last week has made drastic changes quickly in a long session within my studio. I couldn’t find comfort in knowing that I was changing my process of approaching my composition. I wanted to challenge myself to evoke the same emotion in a familiar composition using the underpainting as a reference. Dog + me + piercing.
The painting is now resting in my studio. I’m allowing it to soak up my being and I it’s. A new direction I may be going in is bringing iron-wrought patterns into the paintings to live as focal points within the background. I am unsure if I am happy with the warm brown that is currently activating the negative space. Going forward I will have to be more thorough in planning colors as it is still a new world for me.
Along with my painting this week I continued to pour dogs into molds I made in the wintertime. I accidentally melted my measuring cup in the microwave (oops…). I have been using glycerin as the material to form the dogs. I have written a few times about these in recent reflections and they are currently talismans that are protecting my memories. Using the dog has been liberating as I continue researching their meanings personally and historically. Something that resonated with me tremendously from Mexicolore.com, “’ And it was said that a white dog and a black one... could not carry one across to the place of the dead. It was said that the white one said: “I have just washed myself.” And the one which was black said: “I have just stained myself [black].” Only the yellow one could carry one across.” (par. 4). It was serendipitous to find out that the “yellow” dog carried the dead across the river. I never had a real intention for the yellow/amber color that my dogs were taking but I knew it resonated within me. To find this during research was a moment that was gratifying as I hope that in some ways these cultural memories are being passed down to me.
Thoughts/Dreams/Other:
This week I have been thinking about — the act of carrying (things, people, emotion, etc.), representation (for myself and others), dogs, my hands, shadows, light, tenderness, restraint, memory, autonomy, the future, my grandfather(s), McAllen, Tx, and hair.
This week was hard — the long pauses in between conversations and the pauses within myself — I wonder how did I make it so far and yet feel so shortcoming. I’m sharing personal moments with my family, my peers, and now with you who reads this. I am the frightened rabbit in the yard, but also the animal that chases it. The work I’m putting in now is for you in the future. Don’t forget that.